Monday, April 9, 2012

How Many Different Women Am I?

Seriously.  How can I be such a different person at work and at home?  Really?  This is an honest question that I don’t know the answer to…

Today at work I was excited.  Things were rolling my way.  Great meetings, great conversations about work issues, an exciting glimpse towards the future, and even a new laptop and huge new monitor installed at my desk today.  (How amazing is it to get TWO new computers in the course of three days!  My new work Dell can’t even compare to my new MacBook Pro at home, but New is NEW people!!)  So… I was on a roll.  The day flew by and when it was time to leave I wasn’t ready to go.  There were a few more things I wanted to get done for the day.  I was in full work mode.

Rewind the day to 6:45 am.  Jillian woke up WAY earlier than she usually does.   I’m thinking that Myles and Jillian were having a BFF role reversal, since he is always up at 6:30 and he was still sawing logs when I left for work.  Anyway, it was time for me to leave.  After almost a whole week home with the kids, she wasn’t ready to get back into the swing of our normal routine.  She was balling.  Crocodile tears, snot bubbles, and clingy hugs were all included in the mix of mom guilt and she was laying it on thick.  It was so hard to turn and leave.  I wanted to stay home and cuddle with her on the couch.  It would have been wonderful to make tents, read books, and play with Easter toys all day.  BUT – I had to work.  So…I took a deep breath, suggested something for her to do as I left, and walked out the door.  I knew she was in good care and she would have fun throughout the day.  As I drove into work, I just kept telling myself that.  (I talked to her later – and yes, she was fine.)

So how, after an exit like that, could I get so wrapped up into work that I didn’t even want to leave when the time came?  Sure, I knew she was happy and safe, but should I have been counting down the hours until I was able to leave?  How can I leave for the day wishing I could stay home and then leave work for the day wishing I had a few more hours?  Am I really so different at work that I have priority shifts from day to day (maybe hour to hour is more like it)?

Moms certainly all wear many different hats each day.  I play mommy, employee, teacher, maid, blogger, chef, and I could never forget to add princess to the list.  So, I guess today my hat transitions were a little rough.  Glad they aren’t everyday.  Guess that is when my 20-minute drive to work is to my advantage. Smoother transitions…hat-swapping transitions.  In fact, if I’m not on the phone with home or work (prepping for my next hat or finishing up with my previous hat), I can actually just jam out for 20 minutes.  Singing, speeding, and thinking about how happy I am to have both a job and a family that I love so much.

When I walked in the door, I was so glad to be home.  The kids were jamming out to music in the basement…hiding…waiting for me to find them.  Love.

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