Wednesday, September 18, 2013

This Mother's Little Black Book.

Last night Ben went down to the basement to do something and came up with a black notebook.  We used it as a communication notebook anytime anyone watched Myles when he was a little guy.  I remember Ben making fun of me for saving it (and many other little things like it that he must have missed).  It was so fun to read.  Page by page Myles looked through it and read things about his daily life as a 12 month old.  It was awesome.  It also reminded me how wonderful our nanny was for so many years of his life.  From age one to five, one day a week she would come and play, teach, and love him like her own little brother or nephew.  Then, of course, Jillian joined our family and she loved and cared for her just like Myles.  Priceless.  Anyway, I am totally diverging from my point...if I ever have one.

Look at this note.  I wrote one every week.  Like a baby manual, you can read through each daily novel for his quirky habits lately, what I was worried about, or what I prescribed for him to eat that day.  Every detail was accounted for...and if it wasn't in this week's note, check back a few weeks, I bet there is something about what you are wondering.  Neurotic.

Eventually, the notes turned to condensed handwritten versions of the initial night-before typed manuals.  I actually can remember stressing one night at 11pm, because I had not typed instructions yet.  By the time Jillian came along, the hand-written version was absolutely fine with me.  She was younger, but I had relaxed.

With both kids, I remember stressing about various things throughout their baby year.  Both kids hated drinking from a bottle and I would worry they were starving on my days away for work.  That was always my biggest stress.  Yet, throughout those baby years, there was always something for me to worry about.  Shots.  Solid foods.  Accidents.  You know, mom worries.

Do I still worry about my kids?  Of course.  In some ways, it is different though.  They are strong.  They are their own little people.  Now my worries focus more on keeping them safe and helping them be everything that they can be.

As I prepare for number three, I wonder if I will go back to my neurotic ways, or if I will be able to relax and enjoy my last baby experience .  I certainly have relaxed throughout the last six, almost seven years.  It is not for lack of love or care.  It must simply be attributed to experience in my "role".  Like a job that you have been in for a few years.  You know what you are doing.  Confident.  You have handled so many situations previously.

This time around, I also have little witnesses.  Myles and Jillian, who I know will be eager and willing helpers around the baby.  I want them to be comfortable.  I want Jillian to watch her mother, mothering a baby.  They learn so much from watching...more than I could ever tell her.  I want Myles to learn about caring for a baby.  Someday, I hope a wife will appreciate his baby appreciation.

So, my roll with the punches.  To try and not let the neurotic version of myself go into overdrive.  We'll see how it goes.

Monday, September 9, 2013

School Talks.

I've sure been missing all of you lately.  Just when I think I'm done being all sorts of BLEH, I get sick again.  Isn't this all supposed to be done by now?!?  My belly button is flat and tending towards protruding already.  Enough with the "morning" sickness!!  :)

First day of First Grade.
Anyway, we have been loving this back to school season.  Who doesn't love sharpened pencils (hello??  Did you see they were selling them already sharpened this year?!?), new lunchboxes, crayons, markers, pencil boxes, and new friends to greet each morning.

Myles has had many new adventures, including riding the bus to school, a desk that actually opens, and another wonderful teacher to help mold his eager love of learning again this year.

Open house day at Preschool
Today Jillian started her final year of preschool.  She woke up with a confident smile and was ready for the day.  Ready to see some of her old friends, make new friends, and do the things that Jillian does.

Bus waiting buddies

Everyday that I pick the kids up from school there is a battle...who gets to tell all about their day first.  Today was no different, but Jillian took the first spotlight, since it was her first day.  I heard all about the friends she sits by, who pushed who, who finished their lunch last, and how thirsty (read in an exasperated voice) she was on the ride home.  She didn't write her name on the sign in sheet because it wasn't out yet today...her show and tell day will be Monday...and her hair is up because she got too hot with it down.  You know, all of the important details.  I love hearing each and every one of them.  I'm not with her during her day, but her full descriptive account helps me feel that I was. First day of preschool...a success.

Everyday, in between meetings, spreadsheets, and emails, I glance at the clock and think about where Myles is and what he is doing... I wonder if Jillian liked the note in her lunch today... I am hopeful that they ate their lunches, made new friends, and that they were a good friend to someone that needed it....oh yeah, and that they learned something.  No matter where I am, they are always on my mind.  So, when I get the full download in the car about who Myles played with on the playground and how his teacher was "yapping at these kids that were not being good in class today" on the way home, my heart is questions answered.  We are back together after a long day.  Content.

Riding her bike to pick up Myles at the bus stop.