Do you ever think about these types of questions? Those think a little too hard, over-analyze every little detail, over-board mom kind of questions? Well, I do.
My latest brain quandary includes my little kindergartner and what type of man he will be when he is older. Will he be a loving, helpful, and caring husband who will humor his wife when she is trying on 100 pairs of jeans on a Saturday afternoon, not purchasing a single one of them? (This may or may not be an indication of my weekend activities.) Will he be a good employee someday with a strong work ethic? Or maybe even a good boss? Will he be a good friend and help others in need? What am I doing today as his mother to equip him to succeed in all of these different areas of his life? Am I doing everything I can to promote a good citizen of this world I brought him into?
My latest evaluation on his preparation we have provided him for the "real world" comes in his report each day on how his day went. I love getting him off the bus. First the bus slows, stops, and a minute later, (as I stand there waiting as he attempts to shove something in his backpack) he bumbles down the stairs. I say bumbles for a reason. Today, he was dragging his coat and his backpack - to which he buckled his metal Star Wars lunch box to the exterior...as it clunked down the aisle hitting each stair. one. by. one. He had the biggest smile on his face. With a big hug, I asked him how his day was. "GGGRRREEEATT!!" he replied. And - there it is. I can see it on his face already. He made it to blue again today. The biggest pride of his school day - making it to blue.
I'm sure you are wondering what the heck is blue. Well, each day when the kiddos enter the classroom, their names are on green, "ready to learn." As the day progresses, they can move down to yellow, "caution" or even red, "stop." Above green is blue. It stands for "outstanding." Every day when my child leaves for school, his goal is to make it to blue. We have talked about the fact that I am proud of him whether he stays on green or moves to blue, but he always has his sights set on his favorite color...blue.
Each time he makes it to blue, I ask him what he did to earn it (according to him about three kids make it there each day). Typically, it is not because he painted the best picture, knew the most letters, or even knew the right answers to the questions. It is because he helped the teacher clean up a mess, or he pushed in all of the chairs, or just was simply being helpful. Is this desire to please his teacher rooted in the fact that school is just started and he is very eager to do as good as he can? Is it a reflection on his personality and how he may grow up to be someday? Or, is it just the novelty of the sticker that decorates his backpack for the rest of the day? I don't know. Shoot, it could be a crush on his teacher. He told me that he told her that he loved her today. Adorable. I wonder if that desire to please is an innate personality characteristic that he was born with or if it is something he has witnessed...learned. I'm sure there is research out there somewhere on this...but during my mental squishyness on this topic, I haven't been researching. I've just been swirling it around in my brain.
I often think about the husband that I am raising. I want to raise a self sufficient young man who will someday meet a sweet girl he wants to love forever. I hope I have prepared him enough to love and care for her the way he should. I think about Ben and I and the four little eyes that are on us constantly. They are learning about what a marriage looks, sounds, and feels like through the relationship that their parents have.
Around here, Myles helps with laundry, brings his dishes to the sink, keeps his room clean, and hopefully has a general sense to what goes on in maintaining a house. If he somehow manages to hang on to his helpful nature, maybe someday his wife will thank me for teaching him these skills.
Not exactly sure what all this means, but I just needed a brain dump of all of these things that have been swirling in my head lately. Thus, I'm typing like a mad-woman, still in workout clothes after a run... I think I've come to the conclusion that I don't know yet. It is part of his story that is still being written and I need to be patient. I need to continue to witness and guide him as he changes and becomes the man that he will. AND- in the meantime...I need to cheer, congratulate, and praise every single blue rating that comes home. Actually, the green ones too. What kind of man are you raising?